Why is change so hard, even if I want to?

As we are moving from long summer days to shorter and cooler ones in fall, we can feel the transition of the season. Children return to school, our routines shift and the rhythms of daily life begin to change. For many of us, this season bring both excitement and unease – a blend of anticipation for new beginnings and also a discomfort at leaving behind what is familiar.

Change is a natural part of life, and even if welcomed it can be deeply unsettling. Whether it is adjusting to seasonal changes, new work schedules, or internal emotional shifts, transitions can bring up unexpected stress. If you ever wondered why change feels so hard, even when you want something, you are not alone.

Why Change Feels So Hard

We are designed to need stability and familiarity to feel safe, grounded and in control. When something new disrupts that sense of predictability – whether it is a life transition, a role change, moving to a new place or simple the change of the season – our brain perceives that as a potential threat. Our brains cannot tell whether this change will be beneficial to us or something that we want, all it sees is uncertainty. And uncertainty triggers anxiety and stress. Our brain goes into defence mode and activates its fight or flight response.  

You might notice your thoughts racing with all the “what if” scenarios, or experience the resistance to try new things, alter your routines, adapt to the changes – even if that is exactly what you need! Seasonal transitions, in particular, can amplify these anxious feelings, especially if they affect your sleep, energy levels or daily structure.

This is actually your brain trying to protect you and keep you safe, even when safety means staying stagnant in familiar discomfort.

Recognising Signs of Fear of Change

Fear of change might be hard to spot at first, but here are some signs that you might recognise yourself in:

-            Avoidance: Avoiding making decisions related to change.

-            Procrastination: Finding yourself postponing to “next week” – over and over again.

-            Irritability, short temper or mood swings: Left feeling frustrated or upset when things change.

-            Overthinking: Overanalysing every possible scenario before you take action, ending into analysis paralysis where you cannot make a decision and the vicious cycle continues.

All of these behaviours are very normal, and it is your mind’s way to try and regain control over the situation. Realising that you are doing them, is the first step towards moving through them with awareness and self-compassion.

Practical Ways to Cope

Whilst you cannot always avoid change, you can certainly learn how to navigate it smoothly and with confidence. Here are some ways to manage better with transitions and also support your mental health during change:

1.       Give space for your feelings.

I appreciate that some of these feelings are uncomfortable but supressing emotions only makes them louder. Allowing yourself to feel uncertain or uneasy is helping you process your emotions faster.

2.       Find grounding in your routine.

When life around you feel unpredictable, focus on the things you can control. Small simple tasks like morning coffee, evening walks, making dinner – can provide routine and comfort.

3.       Be kinder to yourself.

Change is not easy. It takes courage to try something new, to pull yourself out of your comfort zone. Practice speaking to yourself in a kinder voice, the way you would speak to your partner, your kid, your best friend. If you can do for them, you can do for yourself.

4.       Seek support to adapt to change through therapy.

Therapy offers a safe space for you to explore your fears of change, develop coping skills, and build resilience. Your therapist can help you challenge your anxious and negative thoughts about change, into opportunities for growth and personal development. You do not have to navigate these turbulent times alone.

Change can feel scary — but it can also be a powerful catalyst for growth and self-discovery. With the right support, you can learn to embrace transitions with confidence and curiosity rather than fear.

If you’re struggling with fear of change or finding it hard to manage your mental health during seasonal change, I invite you to take the next step.

Contact me here to book your free call

Explore how therapy can help you manage with transitions feeling calmer and in more control.

Alexandra Kalogeropoulou (BSc, MSc, PG Cert, PG Dip).

BABCP-Accredited Cognitive Behavioural Therapist with over 10 years of experience supporting clients in London and all over the UK. Specialises in treating anxiety and depression using evidence-based approaches. Alexandra is committed to providing compassionate, expert care for her clients across the UK.